


Nightmares in the Mist

by snarkysweetness



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drabble, Gen, Guilt, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 17:44:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarkysweetness/pseuds/snarkysweetness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma’s mind is plagued her guilt over the sins she’s committed for Henry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares in the Mist

**Author's Note:**

> I’d like to preface this by saying I understand that Emma is trying to do whatever she can to get Henry back, but the moment she was willing to harm a child, even if that ‘child’ was hundreds of years old, was the moment she died to me. The Emma Swan we all fell in love with would have found a less brutal way and this show is pretty horrible with the way it’s assassinated her character which is why I wrote this.

_“You know, the Emma I fell in love with would never have allowed a move like that. She’d have found a less heartless way to get the answers she needed.”_

_Emma spun in a circle, looking for the origin of the voice she knew to be gone to her. The island was foggy; no doubt because of some more trickery on Pan’s part. She knew this was a hallucination, it had to be, but she was too stubborn to let his comments go._

_“I think ‘fell in love with’ is a bit dramatic, don’t you think? I hardly think one ‘falls in love’ with their best friend.”_

_“Not really. You fell in love with Henry, didn’t you?”_

_His voice was louder this time and she turned around to find him directly behind her. Her heart ached for a moment because she wanted this to be real. She wanted him to still be him because he would have come along on this trip, to fight for Henry. He would die for that kid, the way she would, and he was her best friend. Hell, her only friend, and with everything she’d gone through since the first time she’d watched him die, she could use one._

_“I did what I needed to do, August. I’m not proud of it but…that cave…I couldn’t let Henry lose hope the way Neal did.” He was the first person she’d allowed herself to cry in front of and he was the only person who she felt comfortable doing it with still. Despite what they’d been through and what she now knew about what he’d done in her past, he was still important to her, even if he was gone._

_“I’m disappointed in you. That was a new low, even for Regina, and you let her do it. Hell, you encouraged it. I don’t care how long he’s been a child; he is still only a child; like I am now. Like Henry.”_

_“You’re no saint, either! We all make mistakes!” She cried with her face covered in tears that stung her cheeks._

_“My mistakes never involved ripping a child’s heart from his chest.”_

_Emma opened her mouth to speak but there was nothing. She had no real defense. The moment she’d allowed it to happen she’d felt sick, she hated herself, but it was done. She couldn’t fix it. What did he want from her?_

_“It’s this island…it does things to you and…the magic…” she sighed, knowing no lame defense would work._

_“That’s part of it…the magic thing…Emma you need to stop. Look what it did to Regina. Do you really want that to be you? You have a chance to stop on this path your own and turn around. Do it before it’s too late and you become just like her.”_

_“But I need to find him, I can’t just…” She wiped at her eyes and shook her head. “You’re not even real; I’m just talking to myself.”_

_“Maybe, but I’m right. You crossed a line, Emma, but it’s not too late. Find Henry, but don’t lose yourself to do it. Do it the right way so that when you do find him, you’re still worthy of being his mom.”_

_“I hate you,” she whispered, knowing he was right._

_“You’re welcome.”_

_“Mom?”_

_Henry materialized in the distance and she felt sick all over again._

_“Henry,” she whispered as she moved towards him._

_“Is it true?_

_“I can explain,” she called before the fog thickened and she lost sight of him. “Henry?” She ran for him but he was gone. She looked around but there was nothing. “Henry!” She screamed, desperate to see him again. “No…” She whispered when she realized Henry was still gone._

_“You brought this on yourself.”_

Emma woke with a gasp and shot up, at a loss for air. She caught her breath and looked around frantically. Once she realized her nightmare hadn’t woken anyone else, she ran a hand through her sweat drenched hair and buried her face in her knees with a small sob.

Nausea settled in her stomach as her dream played through her mind once more. Guilt had been eating away at her since it happened, since she’d woken one morning and realized she no longer recognized herself. It pained her to know that when she did find Henry, she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye.

She wiped at her eyes and wondered if she would ever be able to come back from what she’d done. She wanted to believe she could, for Henry’s sake, but she feared there was no forgiving this. She’d crossed a line she’d never seen herself crossing, not even while she was doing it. She hated herself and Henry would hate her too.

Emma curled back up into a ball. She couldn’t fight sleep, even though her dreams would continue to torment her. If she fought to stay awake her guilt would do that for her and then she’d be too exhausted to look for Henry.

Suffering with the guilt of her actions seemed a small price to pay for her sins. She was more determined than ever to find Henry, so that losing her soul would not be in vain. When she had him back she vowed she’d find some way to atone and be worthy of being Henry’s mom again. She’d lost him once and she wasn’t going to do it again.


End file.
